Looking at the drifting clouds. A barrier I had been pushing against for long long years was suddenly gone and all my doubts had vanished. There wasn't a thing out of place, not a trace of doubt or uncertainty. Everything was as it should be and always had been that way. That was then.
Today, praying in the zendo that I never be separated from the Dharma in all future lifetimes, I realized what a foolish aspiration prayer it was for me to make. Yesterday morning a clear and distinct halo had formed around my Master's portrait. This morning I could imagine his smile as I realized with certainty that it had always been impossible for me to be separated from the Dharma, the Buddha, or the Sangha. Such are the moments in an old man's somewhat slipshod practice. Don't be like me and have to spend decades trying to break through. Practice fervently now while you have youth, strength, and opportunity. Good fortune!
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Sometimes the practice becomes the barrier for me. Sometimes asmile at a bird in flight or a squirrel crunching on a peanut is enough to see oneself.